A walking controversy

Read this if you remember me.

2007-09-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

Instead of slowly calling people up one by one, a friend of mine suggested that I do this.

Write it out and post it.

Report things to whoever who's willing to listen, about what exactly happened to me during the past year from last august to now, to those people who knew the me at first, then the changed disgusting, infamous me, and why I did the things I did.

Let me clarify myself first. I am not trying to make excuses for what I did, because if I knew a person like me back then, I would run away in the opposite direction.

However, there is some medical truth in what I’m saying. I was contracted with Bipolar Disorder and have been seeing a psychiatrist since last August. For the benefit of those people who don't understand,

Bipolar Disorder = Mania + Depression.

I had severe depression starting from last August;
severe mania mostly this year;
and then back to severe depression this July/Aug - Mid Sep.

I'm sure you all know what severe depression means. I was very depressed, stayed at home, didn't eat and sleep well. In fact, I was very suicidal. I wanted to die everyday. I guess, this is the part of me that many people didn't see, and it happened twice.

What many people saw, was severely manic me. Mania means hyper everything.

"Mania is a severe medical condition characterized by extremely elevated mood, energy, and unusual thought patterns." (from wikipedia)

"Classic symptoms include rapid speech, racing thoughts, decreased need for sleep, hypersexuality, euphoria, grandiosity, and increased interest in goal-directed activities." (from wikipedia)

I changed from this (Joyce):

to this(“Jacqueline”):

I became cocky, hypersexual, clubbed like no tomorrow, picked up smoking, heavy drinking. My mania was so serious that I was even hospitalized twice.

Also, I did many, many, many things I'm not proud of. I put everyone around me in total extreme agony and suffering, especially those who cared for me, including my parents, and my then, so-called, "girlfriend", K. Girlfriend with the " " because now that I'm recovered am back to normal, I don't think I deserve to call her that at all.

All these while, while I had severe mania, K stood by me, going through all the drama, helping my family help me recover. She gave me all the love she could, but during our monogamous dating-probation, I cheated on her. And worse still, not just once. I slept with different girls. When she found out about it, she finally left me on 14th July.

I can say that I've made the greatest mistakes of my life this year. Cheating, sleeping around, flirting, clubbing, smoking, drinking, etc etc.

I owe K and my parents too, too, much. However I can't, and don't want to blame it entirely on severe mania. All of this is 999% entirely my fault.

After K broke up with me, and after my school started, I sank back into severe depression. I was so suicidal that my psychiatrist had to put me through ECT- Electroconvulsive therapy -

"Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), also known as electroshock, is a controversial psychiatric treatment in which seizures are induced with electricity for therapeutic effect. Today, ECT is most often used as a treatment for severe major depression which has not responded to other treatment, and is also used in the treatment of mania, catatonia, schizophrenia and other disorders." (from wikipedia)

and unfortunately,

"Certain types of ECT have been shown to cause persistent memory loss." (from wikipedia)

Now that I've gone through 4 electroshocks to my brain, I'm almost recovered. Although I lost some of my memory, I know what I'm doing or saying now.

I have totally quitted clubbing, heavy drinking, smoking, and sleeping around.

In fact, I'm back to the me when I was in JC, someone who just wants to settle down be it in my studies, work, or relationships, be it with my family, friends, or in love.

I'm not afraid of you judging my past, because I don't want to be a coward by fabricating lies about all my disgusting misdoings.

I don't deserve K at all. She deserves to be with someone better, no matter how cliché this sounds.

Last but not least, like I said, I lost some of my memory. So:

1. I'm terribly sorry if I don't remember our past memories or moments spent together;

2. I terribly sorry if I don't remember who you are as a friend, or go "you are?" when you say hi to me, because I really lost quite a portion of my memory

3. I'm terribly sorry if I forgot how I offended you in the past. I know I was a horrible person in my manic stage.

I really do, now that I'm recovered, believe it or not.

Alright that's about it. I've said my piece. Haters of mine, if you want to continue hating me, I am alright with it. I am prepared to bear the consequences.

The others, if you're willing to give me a chance and know the recovered me all over again, I'm always here.

Thank you taking time out to read this.

Take care.

I wish you all well.

2007-08-03T10:35:00.000-07:00

dear friends and readers, like I've said before, after reading my past blog about what I've done in the past, I'm totally disgusted by all my actions, and what I've written.

I've offended many people along the way, and for that, I'm really very sorry.

I'm tired, and I need a break from all these. I've already stopped what I did in the past, and I think I should stop blogging now.

thank you for your support all these while.

I wish you all well.

I'm sorry.

2007-08-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

I'm very sorry for what I've done in the past. I've realised my mistakes, totally regretted, and repented. hope all of you will forgive me.

May you rest in peace.

2007-08-03T01:45:00.000-07:00

I'm shocked. my cousin, 21, who has been battling the aftermath of brain cancer for the past 9 years, has just passed away this morning. I'm shocked because I was supposed to visit her today afternoon. if only I came home from camp earlier yesterday morning, I would have joined my mum during her visit to see my cousin for the last time.

I don't know how to handle this internally. this is the first time I'm losing someone who's closer to me. my cousin and I used to play together when we were younger, sleepovers and everything. but we grew apart when we got older.

it's the mixed feelings inside. on one hand, I'm sad that she's passed away. on the other, I feel relieved for her, for her sufferings have ended finally. nevertheless, she fought a good battle when she was alive, for she remained optimistic about her illness, and gained respect from people of all walks of life.

she's a christian. I would like to think that she's in a better, and more peaceful place right now.

I hope she rests in peace. and my condolences to the family for their loss.

I will miss you, cuzzie.

Police action.

2007-08-02T01:37:00.000-07:00

just when I thought life is getting boring, I witnessed something interesting again.

no, not a girl-fight this time.

more like police in action!

I was engrossed in bidding for my modules at Bedok library when I heard a commotion in front of me. I looked up, and I saw like 8 or 9 guys surrounding a single guy, trying to pin him down. that's seriously not needed, as the guy didn't look that strong in the first place.

kaypoh people started crowding around, and all I heard was repeated shoutings of "don't struggle! don't struggle!"

before I know it, I heard the 'click' of the handcuffs. the guy was nabbed on the spot in front of my eyes, with the policeman saying "I told you not to struggle right?" hmmmmmm. police officers can be quite sacarstic nowadays. :)

so much for a quiet day in the library.

"Are you attached?"

2007-07-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

I'm having hall camp now. met new friends again, mainly from the arts faculty this time, which is a good thing.

interesting part about camps is that, there will definitely be situations where I come out to people. for those who still don't know what "come out" means, it's "to state openly and publicly one's homosexuality". and I do that now not because I'm that loud and proud to scream out "I'm lesbian" to them, but because most people are interested in relationship questions.

"are you attached?"

"so what is HE like?"

that is the point where I come in to clarify that its not a "HE", and then they go "oooooooooooo......" with that deep-in-thought-I-know-what-you're-talking-about look.

and one thing I realised after being open for these months is that, Elsa is right. coming out gets easier and easier after you get past the first few hurdles. after a while.. it just surprisingly comes natural to you. it gets so easy for me now that the people who don't know I'm gay forms the minority, not the other way round. even some people I don't know, somehow knows I'm gay!

that's the extent of my out-ness.

well I hope all GLBTs can be like me one day, not having to hide your real sexuality and identity. and not be stifled by a narrow minded society with conservative values.

:)

Mistakes.

2007-07-29T04:54:00.000-07:00

everybody makes mistakes. be it small or big ones. we can't avoid them. it's part and parcel of life and growing.

I've made a lot of mistakes this year. big ones. so big that they not only hurt me in the end, they've hurt the people around me. but through these mistakes, I think I've grown. I've realised all my wrongs, and I'm trying very hard to be a better person now.

if you're doing that now too, give yourself a pat on the back. remember, it's NEVER too late to change. but please be reminded that apologising to the people you've hurt along the way does not mean they'll forgive you, let alone forget.

unfortunately, it's so for my case. not all are willing to forgive me for what I've done, or forget about my misbehaviour. but I think besides doing my part of apologising, there's nothing else I can do if that person doesn't want to accept me back into his or her life again. I have to move on, be strong, and continue changing.

reading my old livejournal blog just irks and disgusts me. I can't believe I used to type all that, the thoughts, the mindset, even the way I type, just everything. it's no wonder I generated so many haters from everywhere. even I hate the ME who wrote and did all those stuffs.

I guess regrets are hard to avoid. the most important thing is that we not dwell on it, but instead, learn from our mistakes, move on, and mature from it.

I sure hope you've done it, or are in the process of doing so. :)

Haircuts.

2007-07-29T01:15:00.000-07:00

this may sound silly..... but.....

I'm terrified of haircuts sometimes.

it's like venturing into an unknown, letting your future "look" be in the hands of a stranger whom you hardly know. on one hand, you can't wait to get rid of all the 'weeds' and make yourself feel fresher, but on the other, you're afraid cause you're vulnerable, and you can't predict what's gonna happen to your hair.

what if he/she messes up? what if he/she cuts a style that's not to your liking? WHAT IF..?

and a haircut can either,

1. make you feel like the top of the world because you love your look so much and you feel much "lighter";
2. OR make you wanna hide your head in a plastic bag, and curse that you'll never step into that particular salon again.

I just had a haircut. and the lady cut my fringe too short. now it's choice number 2 for me.

I'm getting self conscious.

blergh!

Maxim.

2007-07-26T03:36:00.000-07:00

this is so random, but rebecca tan is on the cover of Maxim magazine [am I the last to chance upon it?], and there's an editorial and interview done on her. the photos are simple yet sexy.

check her out, like what you lesbians [okay and straight guys] always do.

Advices I got.

2007-07-26T02:03:00.000-07:00

surprisingly, after the breakup, people have come up to me, telling me about their own breakups and asking me for advices on how to deal with it.

I know I'm in no position to give advices, so I took advices that people gave me, to help the others.

for those going through a breakup now, I really understand how you feel. the pain, the hurt, and for those who think you did something wrong, the remorse, the guilt. those aren't easy emotions to deal with. in fact, they're one of the hardest. furthermore, you have to deal with the fact that your partner is not with you physically anymore.

learn how to deal with everything, one step at a time.

firstly, calm yourself down. don't ever hurt yourself when you're not thinking straight [no pun intended!]. that will only further traumatise and drive your partner away from you. believe me, I've learnt from experiences.

second, let time heal everything. 1 day of crying not enough? give it 3. not enough? 5, and so on. I cried everyday for ten days after the break up. but remember, the most important thing is to pick yourself up after all the crying and remorsing. please do not wallow in the sadness that it swallows you and takes over your life, or sinks your into depression.

third, distract yourself as much as possible, as hard as it sounds. some bury themselves in school, some in work, some in hobbies. just do something. do not repeat the mistake I've made, which is to lay around and think about K the whole day, thinking about the past and what could have happened if only this, IF ONLY THAT... just occupy yourself with something.

fourth, when you're more calm and better, if you decide that you still can't live without your partner, go and speak to him/her [only when you've calmed down!]. you don't want to make things worse by making a big hoo-haa or creating dyke drama for the lesbians. and also, please please please, be prepared for the worst answer you'll get, which is a NO straight in your face. if you think you can't handle it, do not attempt it.

last... if all else fails, you only got two choices.

1. wait for your partner.
2. move on.

and for both choices, please please please think about what you did wrong in the relationship that caused the break up. learn from the mistakes, and make changes to yourself. make changes FOR YOURSELF, not just to get your partner back. because if reality sinks in that he/she is not coming back to you, all the efforts to make changes will stop, and it'll be wasted.

enjoy making the changes to become a better person. you'll feel more confident about yourself when you find more and more people liking the NEW you, not just romantically, but platonically as well. you never know, you might just find someone much better than your ex who's more worthy of your love.

I'm really not sure if this entry would help the ones who's going through a break up right now, but I sure hope it does.

if it helps, remember that you're not alone in the process of mending your broken heart.

I hope you stand up quickly and move on, or better still, get a chance to get back with your loved ones.

all the best.

Tagboard.

2007-07-24T06:47:00.001-07:00

I find myself explaining all the time. I don't know why.

but the truth is, I've never deleted any hater comments after the breakup, except one that was out to insult Xenatos, and another seemingly sacarstic apology from "anonymous" that was uncalled for. that's all.

please do not think that what you see on my tagboard is filtered to my own good. what you see is what you get.

Mixed feelings.

2007-07-24T05:36:00.000-07:00

guilty, devastated, shattered, helpless, numb, disappointed, depressed, sad, hopeless, tired, shocked, all at the same time.......

It's been ten days.

2007-07-24T01:40:00.000-07:00

school better start soon, so that I'll be feeling how she feels like, handling this and work at the same time...

Numbness.

2007-07-24T01:38:00.001-07:00

. ..... .. ........ ... . . . ... .. ................................... . .. . . ... .. ... .. ? . .......
.
.
.
.
.
.........?

Erasers.

2007-07-22T22:58:00.000-07:00

"Mistakes.

We all make them. Sometimes, if we're lucky, an eraser will do the trick, and we can rub it across the page, wipe away the dust, and all that's left of our carelses mess is a hardly noticeable smudge.

But some mistakes can't be erased. No matter how old or young we are."

-Ina Hughs

I guess the toughest lesson I've learnt through this whole experience is that, life doens't always come with erasers, not for my case.

I don't know why I'm saying this, but......

2007-07-22T01:24:00.000-07:00

I'm really sorry for the lack of posts.

I know I said I wouldn't blog about depressing breakup stuffs, but I'm really not in the mood to write about anything else. and all these while I've been writing rather personal stuffs, it's in another private blog of mine and K's.

in the past, I used to be a cynic. I was very skeptical of things like marriage, relationships, valentine's day, and especially break ups. I thought that everything is so overrated today. how long can a relationship really last? they end up in break ups. how bad can a break up be, like seriously man? just move on!

but I realise it ain't that easy now. letting go is one of the hardest things to do in life. memories of K have flooded every single thought of mine for a week, even in dreams or nightmares. in fact, I'm thinking of her as I type..

to all those going through a break up now, or have gone through a bad one, I finally understand how you guys feel or felt. a part of me has died when the relationship did. no matter how hard I try to revive it, it's gone.. dead.. unretrievable....

the future seems really bleak to me now.

how long will all these last?

Losing the "Us".

2007-07-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

"When an emotional injury takes place,
the body begins a process,
as natural as the healing of a physical wound.

Let the process happen.
Trust that nature will do the healing.

Know that the pain will pass,
and, when it passes,
you will be stronger,
happier, more sensitive and aware."

-Mel Colgrove
from "How to Survive the Loss of a Love"

..but I don't want to lose the "us" in us.

Finding Felicia.

2007-07-19T04:27:00.000-07:00

please go to THIS WEBSITE.

I don't know what to say, other than the fact that I hope this girl, Felicia, can be found quickly, to put her friends and the Teo family at ease.

5 biggest trends about STRAIGHT GIRLS!

2007-07-18T20:43:00.000-07:00

after observing the people around and playing "I've never", I've come to a very vague conclusion of the 5 biggest trends of STRAIGHT GIRLS!

1. most of them don't think about sex, aka, no/low sex drive.
2. most of them don't trim or shave their bushes. eeewww!
3. most of them are virgins.
4. most of them don't watch porn.
5. most of them don't DIY. [if you don't know what's DIY, you're most probably straight. okok, it's Do It Yourself, meaning masturbate.]

or is it just the people around me thats like that? if you're a straight girl and you do anyone of that, please voice out to prove me wrong.

[oh please, like you will admit, hahaha.]

PIRATES OG Outing.

2007-07-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

everything about Essentials Brews was alright, but the pricing was a tad too expensive. $25/- for appetizers, a main course, dessert and free flow of Ice Lemon Oo Long Tea [very nice by the way].

This is mine,

Honey Mustard Chicken as main course and dessert for sharing.

lots of people turned up for the gathering! so it was wonderful. a pity the seniors and juniors were segregated once again. nevertheless, I enjoyed the talks we had within my table, our "BROTHERHOOD". yeah man! I'm part of the BROTHERS! I'm so lesbian I can't stand it! hahaha.

look, we even had complimentary balloons from Essential Brews. :)

this is JESPER, the guy whom I chose to be the guy I'd date in my OG. it was nice talking to him just now. mr nice good-looking guy okay, and he's single ladies! hurry up while stocks last.

we played "I've never". boy, I never should have suggested that game! I drank almost every round with James! hahahaha. but it's still fun, seeing others admit their secrets. :)

after that I didn't leave to go for excessive drinking. I realise I shall not do it to worry the people around me who care for me, including my family and K herself.

so we went to...

Eski Bar!

it's a unique bar with a sub zero degrees room inside. we went in and boy, it was super cold. we even competed who could stay inside the longest. and here's our faces during the process...

han lun on ice!!

shi min, alice and I acting "cool" in a "cold" room.

me and michelle trying to complete the 2 minutes record to get a free ride home.

aye, no group shots on my camera leh :(

will upload it when I have it. that's all!

Joke of the day.

2007-07-18T10:52:00.002-07:00

today on the MRT, I actually witnessed my favourite............

GIRLFIGHT!!!!

..except that it wasn't between scantily clad women in sexy high heels, or girls in school uniforms with skirts so short you can see their butts.

it was between two middle aged women who aren't attractive, or even YOUNG to begin with, which is why I find it absurd that they would want to make a public embarrassment of themselves. so you guys can stop fantasizing, while I provide you with the only line I heard from the fight.

"SHE SNATCHED MY NEWSPAPER AND HIT ME WITH IT FIRST OKAY!!!!"

so apparently they were attacking each other with rolls of newspaper. I don't know what the trigger was because it was too late by the time it caught my attention.

but just imagine the scene - newspaper whacking, and some men beside trying to pull them apart from each other.

I secretly smiled to myself. what a disgrace, such so that the two kids sitting in front of the standing fight ran away back to their mums.

this has got to be the joke of the day.

A big thank you.

2007-07-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

although right after the breakup, even though I received hate comments from haters [as usual], I had lots of encouragement from people I know, and people who don't know me personally.

I would just like to say a big thank you to those who helped me along the way. you don't know what angels you are by doing this. I'm sure you'll be blessed in your life somehow for helping someone in need.

so there, once again, thank you. :)

Union Camp [3]!

2007-07-17T22:22:00.000-07:00

even though union camp wasn't as good as ARTS camp, I think all my OG mates would agree that we bonded very much together, through our daily activities and night talks. even I, who went for the camp for 2.5 days (!!!) think so!

here are some of the friends I met there. great people.

alice, shimin, monghun, xingyan, yilin, rachel.

all the girls with our "LEADER" mr. ming quan.

there's an OG outing tonight @ Essential Brews, so more pictures will be coming up.

hope this outing will cheer me up somehow.

Dreams.

2007-07-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

you know how it feels when you have a good dream and you get awoken from it?

I dreamt of me and her back again, happy together. but an sms had to come, breaking it all up into pieces. at first I was angry, disappointed, pissed.... then I thought to myself, aren't I the one who shattered the whole relationship myself?

for those who're dying to watch me sink, I'm so sorry to break it to you, cause I ain't gonna sound depressed from this post onwards. I'm gonna stay strong, cheerful, and optimistic for myself, and for the people around me. that way I can think of more effective ways to win her heart back, or at least, wait healthily if that day ever comes.

till then, I pray.

hard.

Deadly emotions.

2007-07-17T02:22:00.000-07:00

remorse. guilt. regret.

three emotions that have been plaguing every cell of my body for the past three days.

I don't know how much longer I can hold.

scary part is, it's gonna be there my whole life.

.

2007-07-17T02:20:00.001-07:00

blogging killed me, literally.

Say no to anti-gay laws.

2007-07-15T23:08:00.000-07:00

from The Straits Times, H5.

when I see news articles like that, I remain hopeful of an optimistic future of homosexuals in Singapore. hope this brightened up your day, GLBTs reading this.

What's your sexuality?

2007-07-14T06:26:00.000-07:00

My previous poll got deleted :(

please please please please vote again! :) It's on the right side of the page.

Butch, or bimbo?

2007-07-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

during our Secret Pal games on clubbing night, one of the male contestants got this question.

"three words. Butch, or bimbo?"

then he started this big hoo-haa by asking all the guys who can't accept butches like him to raise up their hands, followed by saying,

"see? look at the guys around! for me, I would never ever choose a butch because, it's like looking at a guy!"

oh my god. how insulting. first of all, butches are not guys. believe me, especially after watching butch hunt 2007 [with the exceptions of people like XT HAHA. oh kay just kidding. don't shoot me.] they're just females on the masculine side!

I know I used to blog about how I don't get why butches must dress and act the way they are before, but I'm starting to understand now, after butches gave me feedback along the way. it's all about preference. just like how I prefer girls, or want to wear my dark shades to clubbing. who cares about what the others think man?

anyway yeah, even though I said those stuffs, I didn't mean it in a bad way. but some guys can be really mean when it comes to butches and I honestly cannot stand it. they need to knock some sense into themselves and stop being so egoistic man.

maybe it's guys like them who turn bi-curious girls away into the arms of sensitive butches.

a big HA HA HA.

Hehe! so exciting!

2007-07-14T01:23:00.000-07:00

I saw this interesting piece of art on Xenatos's blog. totally shocked me! go check it out!

P.S. if you don't know who that person is I'm gonna smack your butt.

Union Camp [2].

2007-07-14T00:14:00.000-07:00

Union camp has ended!! in my opinion, ARTS camp definitely rocked better than UNION. I won't go into the details, but the main point was that I was so bored I booked out for 2 days because I was really bored with the programmes :(

anyway the last night rocked because it was clubbing and surprisingly, our OG was super enthusiastic! everything went smoothly and great except that...

I was harrassed by this guy at Double O, who wasn't from NUS. he kept touching my body, mainly back and butt. aye everywhere except boobs lah. of course I was uncomfortable [I sure don't mind if it's a hot girl]. so I told him to back off and pushed him away. yet, he kept following me around the club for like half an hour, and tried to initiate contact. I went to my OG for help and thank god for peizhou, he shoo-ed him away. :)

anyway, my phone camera broke down in the middle of the camp so I couldn't take pictures. only had 3. :( here are them.

our OGLs and counsellors, the ones who made it happen.

messing with the funniest girl in the OG, cecilia.

mirror shot of our clubbing attire. I'm in my pretty yellow dress again! :)

that's it.. FOR NOW!! tons of pictures coming up when my friend sends over the pictures. :)

P.S. I so envy my OG mate for getting Jasmine Tye as his SECRET PAL!! why don't I get people like her! humph! took a picture with her, will upload it soon. :)

Union Camp [Interval break].

2007-07-14T00:12:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be at NUS Union Camp now, with this bunch of people,

doing stuffs like this,

and this.

but I checked out for one day cause something happened at home and to rest for clubbing @ Zouk later. I want to have a fun and rocking night, dancing all through it till the club closes. :)

these are the girls I met at the camp,

and lastly, for a close-up,

[I know I have terribly small eyes! pouts.]

:)

Baby thoughts.

2007-07-13T23:51:00.001-07:00

don't you sometimes wish that you're back to being a baby again?

a baby has no worries at all. it just eats and sleeps and cries when it falls. this is something we can only wish for now, right? I bet we have forgotten how it's like to be truly and totally carefree. we are bombarded by adversities everyday, especially in this mordernised, fast paced and highly stressful society.

we can't cry when we fall down or fail. or we can do is suck it in; remind ourselves that failure is part of life, climb back up ourselves and try again, cause we will most probably be on our own.

I watched a baby cry on the mrt just now.
and I thought to myself,
oh how I wish I was a baby again.

Homosexuality poll on The Straits Times.

2007-07-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

Hi Grrls,

For all those interested, The Straits Times Online has just created a snap-poll to solicit inputs from the public on whether Singapore should be more open to a homosexual society.

Interestingly, it's evenly split now between those who think SG shd be more accepting and less accepting =)

Click on below link, it only takes 10 seconds to register your views:

HERE.

Cheers,
The TwoQueens Party.

P.S. It's 52% "more accepting" compared to 47% "less accepting" right now. please vote, and make your, and our voices be heard. :)

Homosexuality: Animal Kingdom.

2007-07-12T03:27:00.000-07:00

this is quite well known but interesting.

do you know that homosexuality exists in the animal kingdom? animals like dolphins, baboons, and sheeps. monkeys, which are genetically most like human beings, engage in oral sex and fingering. male penguin couples build nests together, and use stones to replace eggs [omg this is so cute!].

a food for thought: since it's been argued that most of the homosexuals are born this way, why did God create men/women to be flawed with a characteristic that is punishable by being banished to Hell after life? doesn't God love us enough to not do that?

I still don't agree that homosexuality is a sin.

religious converters, try turning the animals "straight" first, before you come to us. :)

Butch Hunt Finals 2007.

2007-07-12T02:06:00.000-07:00

obviously, tonight's the night I went over to ZOUK to check out Butch Hunt Finals 2007.

this is what I saw.

like I said, Butch Hunt is definitely definitely better than Andro Hunt. everything was more well rehearsed, and there were more 'events' going on, like this act they acted out, them playing music, singing, dancing, fashion shows, Q&A and so on. psst. can I just say that Lane is super hot when she dances? like, sizzling hot. alright, enough of digression.

I took a lot of pictures of Lane dancing but these were the only good ones.

of course, there were other group dances too, like this.

and oh, the fashion show was alright, it just showed them walking around prancing around in their butch attire. what caught my eye was actually Calvin, who first,

1. didn't wear a bra while wearing her white tank top so her nipples were basically shouting out to the whole world;
2. didn't wear a bra again, AND didn't button her black top when she pranced again. risky risky. she could have nip-slipped, like, anytime.

so here's a picture of them:

anyway the results go like this:

1st: Charm
2nd: XT
3rd: ?? someone forgettable (in my opinion, don't shoot me.)

which I thought was totally shocking cause

1. karl had the most number of votes on herstory.ws.
2. I was so rooting for Lane and Zsa!! they could have won easily because Lane dances like michael jackson and Zsa sings like a rock star. hahahahahaha.

whatever it is, it's over :(

dancing was great as usual. I stood on the highest podium!! haha, attention whore once again. met some great new people, lydia, lydia, plex, xinru, and saw huiyuan while dancing. met even more during supper at Teochew's Porridge:

here are the new clubbing kakis of miss joyce.

alright this is basically a picture post. next herstory event's on 13th September so you ladies better get your sexy asses there.

that's about it. 5.14am now but I'm still so high from dancing. gonna crash now. I'm out! :)

P.S. my heart almost melted when rebecca tan said hi to me just now. she actually remembered me and initiated a hi. omg, I'm gonna die.

Lesbiany FAQ (that I left out).

2007-07-11T00:51:00.000-07:00

Q) when did you find out?
A) I started liking girls when I was young, but I realised it grew stronger in secondary school, and I confirmed it in JC.

Q) so are you the "GUY" in the relationship?
A) there's no such thing as "GUY" or "GIRL" in my relationship. we're both girls in love with each other.

Q) so are you the 'dominant' one or the 'submissive' one?
A) we swing both ways baby, it all depends on the mood, day, temperature, wind speed, weather, ambience, atmosphere, who has more raging hormones, who's lazier, who's hornier........................ :P

Q) you're lesbian. you must have been hurt by a guy before?
A) for girls: you're straight. you must have been hurt by a girl before?
for guys: you're straight. you must have been hurt by a guy too before?

Q) girls: you're lesbian. why don't you like me? / how come you've never fancied me before?
A) (for the last damn time,) me being lesbian doesn't mean I will hump every girl that moves. oh wait, look at that short and fat guy with pimply oily face over there. you're straight, why don't you like him?

that's all I can think of now. hope these answered your queries :)

Lesbiany FAQ.

2007-07-11T00:50:00.000-07:00

Q) are you really a lesbian? or bisexual?
A)yes I'm reallyyyy a lesbian, NOT a bisexual.

Q) are you attached?
A) yes.

Q) will you ever turn bisexual or straight?
A) there is a possibility of turning bisexual, cause I never know. but I will never be straight, my attraction towards girls will never disappear.

Q) have you tried guys before?
A) I tried dating guys to turn straight but it didn't work.

Q) why is it so hard for you to turn straight?
A) why not you try turning gay now?

Q) what do you girls do on bed?
A) errr, I don't know :P you can watch lesbian porn to see it for yourself.

Q) how can you be so sure that you like girls?
A)for guys: how can you be so sure that you like girls only?
for girls: how can you be so sure that you like guys only?

Q) you haven't tried dick before. what makes you so sure you don't like heterosexual sex?
A) for guys: you haven't tried dick before. what makes you so sure you don't like gay sex?
for girls: you haven't tried pussy before. what makes you so sure you don't like lesbian sex?

last but not least...

Q) Desperate guys: give me a chance. I'm sure I'll turn you straight.
A) I have a gay friend who's single. give him a chance. I'm sure he can turn you gay. :)

Yet another new beginning.

2007-07-10T23:24:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I had to create a whole new blog just because the other one was so screwed up and cannot be revived.

mama, I promise I won't mess with HTML anymore. I admit I'm a total kuku when it comes to this.

P.S. sorry for the shifts, people. and I brought the lesbiany FAQ and some entries over. :)

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